


Wanweird

by TheStarsHaveAligned



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Fate, Meme, ask meme, chizuru musing, goals, purpose in life, wanweird, writing a drabble for a meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 22:42:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4197777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStarsHaveAligned/pseuds/TheStarsHaveAligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wanweird - An unhappy fate</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanweird

**Author's Note:**

> Again part of a meme - Chizuru muses over Hijikata's life. Almost at the end of it all. 
> 
> ~~I dunno if I should actually call it like this; it came at the same time I was writing the other and turned out differently.~~

I don’t know if I’d classify Hijikata san as the surviving type. I would not say he’s _completely_ reckless facing death, but he’s not _really_ self preserving either. All this time death has been dancing with him and at this point I don’t think he knows who’s chasing who anymore. It must be mutual; that’s what you get when you survive long enough. Death makes a fine companion. A partner for life.  
  
And yet as he struggles, struggles with wounds, struggles with bloodlust, struggles with an injury deeper than any sword could inflict on you, I _can’t_ see him dying. It is as if he really could not die, even if you killed him. As if something stronger than himself pulled from him and kept him alive. Must be responsabilities.  
  
Hijikata san is full of things he wants to do and none is for himself. None.  
  
The glory of the Shinsengumi, the recognition for Kondou san, the lives of his companions. The future, whatever it holds. None of that is for him. He does not want it for himself, he does not fight as a _man_. He fights as a sword, no, fights as if he himself was an ideal that needs to reach the goal, be fulfilled and then… disappear.  
  
Sometimes I’m scared of the idea of Hijikata san disappearing. Not just disappearing as a human would die, but disappearing as the idea of Hijikata san himself. Itself. If he looses, if he’s not accomplished, if his purpose in life is lost. What would be of him?  
  
That’s how Hijikata san would die, surely. When he’s not needed? No, when his dreams are defeated.  
  
Hijikata san is part of a dream, a dream bigger than himself: the dreams of others. And he fights for them, even when they can no longer dream. When they have already fallen, and disappeared before him.  
  
He has survived them all. And he did not even intend to _live_. He just fulfilled his mission everyday, his goal not to die before the others, before the work was done. It is not that Hijikata san wants to live. He just doesn’t want to die _yet_.  
  
I don’t know if I am sad when I think of it. I don’t know how I should feel. The support I can provide is petty, and yet. If Hijikata san would be the last man standing, I’d make sure he is not alone.  
  
Hijikata san would never be alone. He won’t die alone. He won’t die, if his dreams don’t either.


End file.
